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Bursting soap bubbles

An individual’s personal space (the minimum distance that one person should maintain from another) isn’t like a soap bubble: you can’t see it, and you shouldn’t run around trying to burst it with both hands, either.

But there’s also a major similarity between bubbles and personal space: they both come in different sizes. An individual’s sense of personal space varies widely, just like the soapy bubbles that vendors on Camden High Street blow to attract children’s attention. Brasilians seem to need less space around them, and seem surounded by invisible versions of the kind of thin bubbles that you end up blowing when you’re running out of fairy liquid. Brasilians are used to patting each other on the back, kissing, hugging and sitting right next to someone while they’re chatting to them. Try and do this with a Brit and you might just find that the conversation dries up, a bit like a bubble bursting in mid-air.

Brasilians like to intensely feel the presence of those around them. Even if there’s no physical contact involved, it’s common to get right up close to another person without it being misconstrued in any way. Of course it all depends on how this is done. There are rules and negotiations involved. For example, a group of heterosexual men can touch each other as long as it’s done in a macho, jokey way, without the least trace of homoerotic tension.

As for the British, it’s de rigueur not to kiss anyone on the cheek or hug anyone and everyone seems to try and maintain a distance of at least a metre from the person they’re talking to throughout the conversation, except for young people or people who’ve had a lot of contact with foreigners, that is. A handshake can sometimes be substituted by a little nod of the head, and even this subtle gesture can be dispensed with. It’s only after the third round of beers that things start warming up a bit.

Sometimes I ask myself if these cultural differences contribute to the reputation that we Brasilians have for being promiscuous. Could it be that our own codes regarding affection and personal space are interpreted as a sign of permissiveness? Perhaps, coupled with our habit of speaking loudly, this could explain why we are unjustly renowned for our lack of manners? I’m still divided over the issue.

Today, however, I know that I’ve burst lots of British bubbles over the years, almost always without meaning to. Often, the person has distanced themselves from me; but sometimes I’ve been pleasantly surprised to strike up a newfound intimacy with a casual acquaintance. Fingers crossed, you’ll be lucky and win over more people than you put off. Ah, cleaning your teeth beforehand also helps.

By Victor Fraga